


Cuddleus Interruptus

by TottyTottyTotty



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Anger, Arguing, Comedy, Consent, Crossdressing, Denial of Feelings, Embarrassment, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemy Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Funny, Implied Consent, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, No Plot/Plotless, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn With Plot, Roommates, Self-Esteem Issues, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:34:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26768086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TottyTottyTotty/pseuds/TottyTottyTotty
Summary: I don't know, he's just a smeghead isn't he? A right bastard.To understand some of the references you should watch Samsara and there's a deep cut if you've read issue 2 of the Smeggazine, but it's still enjoyable anyway if you haven't. Light spoiler I suppose. Season XI
Relationships: Dave Lister & Arnold Rimmer, Dave Lister/Arnold Rimmer
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	Cuddleus Interruptus

With a heavy groan, Lister arched his back and finally allowed himself to let go. Surge after surge of cum landed on his stomach and the white bed sheets as he rode the delicious wave of sensation. His own expert hand guided the orgasm out of his twitching cock until it faded into a cosy, whole-body glow.

As his head began to clear, he cracked his eyes to see Rimmer watching with grave interest, still thrusting enthusiastically. Enraptured, a pitiful whimper escaped the hologram's lips.

Lister grinned with delight and dragged his bunk mate into a rough kiss. This seemed to only encourage Rimmer, who wrapped his arms around Lister, grasping tight, and pounding faster, picking up pace with intensity. Within moments, a moan rising in his throat, he let loose his third shuddering orgasm of the evening.

They collapsed around each other, heaving and panting in a pile. The beating of their own pulses in their ears was the only thing they could hear and they lay silently, minds blank and unthinking, waiting for it to pass.

As their heart rates began to slow, Lister realised he was breathing in the pleasantly gentle artificial smell of hardlight hair and skin resting on his chest. With contentment, he reached up to affectionately embrace the warm body.

Suddenly, with a jerk, Rimmer was upright. With a cough and no eye contact, he quickly extracted himself from Lister and then the bunk.

"What's wrong?" Lister said, worried.

"I knew you were a scoundrel, but this - the nerve!" Rimmer huffed, searching the floor for his lost effects.

"What? What'd I do?" Lister searched his mind rapidly. Had he been too rough? Done something unwanted? Said something?

"You've seduced me." Rimmer shot his best glare. "It's unconscionable."

Rimmer hastily pulled on his favorite Y-fronts, the ones with the red and green alligators on them, that said 'Snappy Lover' on the back, and 'Chew on This' on the front. The original pair had been burnt through with the iron decades ago by a rebellious Kryten, but he'd always been clever enough to keep a spare. It was wholly unnecessary to wear them when he could generate holographic underpants of any kind, but he felt a sense of nostalgia towards the 3 million year old cotton. However, at the moment, standing bare before Lister, he was regretting the choice.

 _"Seduced??"_ Lister breathed, exasperated. " _Seduced???_ Rimmer, _why_ are ya acting like I tricked ya somehow?"

Rimmer straightened up, huffy. "Because, _think_ Listy. Why would I _—_ your superior, a man with ambition and taste, a man straight as an arrow _— boff_ a scouser with the manners of a baboon raised by wolves and less presentable hygiene than the underside rim of a dodgy pub toilet."

Lister eyed the hologram with an unamused expression. "I distinctly remember a certain _superior_ who pinned me to the bed and sucked me dry not so long ago. What happened to _'Oh Listy, yes God, right there Listy!'_ " Lister thrust his hips while badly imitating a squeaky Ionian accent. Completely starkers, his now limp but still impressive cock flopped indecently, making Rimmer cringe in mortification. 

"Cover yourself, you embarrassment." Rimmer barked, picking up the soiled red chiffon dress from where it lay crumpled on the floor and throwing over the other man's nudity.

Lister grunted and rolled onto his side, making no attempt to clothe himself. He idly wiped at the semen with Rimmer's sheet. "Yer the one who bet me I had to wear the evening gown if I lost. And yer the one that held me to it."

"Yes," Rimmer waggled a finger in Lister's direction, "But _you're_ the one who selected such an inappropriately slinky one. _You're_ the one who decided to walk around here looking like a complete tart, bending over so unnecessarily often." Rimmer pulled his lips into a snide smirk, feeling he'd won. "Dress!" He commanded, and his blue ship-issue pyjamas and dressing gown reformed themselves around his body. He has forgotten his hair however and it still stuck up in awkward cowlicks from where Lister had tugged it.

"What, it's me fault you fancy a podgy old bloke in a dress?" 

"I fancy no such thing!"

Lister groaned, annoyed, rolling back over to face away from Rimmer. "Yeh were gagging for it."

With a sputter of fury, Rimmer went red. "Right! You're on report!" He went for his pen and pad, Lister rolling his eyes. "Lister, D., Third Technician. Offense: Seduction of a superior technician." He scribbled as he spoke.

"That's not a real offense, yeh weasel."

"Ah that's where you're wrong, m'laddo! Space Corps directive 36873/B clearly states crew members are expressly forbidden from luring their superior into _rumpy pumpy_ using natural or artificially enhanced wiles."

"Wiles." Lister shook his head. " _Wiles._ Do me a lemon."

Rimmer paused, eyeing Lister's bare back as he lounged. Peeking from under the thin red material was the vindaloo tattoo. Licking his lips, he said with more poise, "Put your smeggy gown back on and kindly remove yourself from my bunk. I'll have to shoot the bed clothing out of the airlock."

Lister stared incredulously "What, this? It's ruined." He held it up, showing a large tear down the side where Rimmer had impatiently ripped it off of him earlier. "Yeh can't be serious."

Heat began to rise in Rimmer's cheeks. "A bet's a bet Listy, and I don't hear the dulcet sound of James Last polka songs on bagpipes, do I?"

Grumbling, Lister inelegantly began to stuff himself into the destroyed bit of cloth. It clung to his no longer youthful curves in some places while in others it hung off in folds and shreds. _"Happy?"_

Rimmer's eyes lingered a little too long, and then longer. He nervously licked his lips again, clearly gearing up to say something, but nothing came out.

"What?" Lister asked. _"What is it now?"_

"Behavior and attire completely unbefitting of a third technician." Rimmer croaked. He raised his pen and pad back up and began to scribble, swallowing hard. "That's _another_ report, Listy."

With a heavy sigh, Lister smirked and relaxed a little. "Hey smegger." He said gently, "Fancy another go?"

With a stern and serious face cracked by restrained hunger, Rimmer slowly stated, "The record will show, I'm doing this completely against my will."

"Fine, sorted." Lister patted the thin bunk mattress.

"Undress!"


End file.
